So, as promised, 2 days (erm weeks) later, Life part 2.
Today, Wednesday the 29th of July 2015, my lovely Nanna Pat passed away. She was 92 human years old.
She was a beautiful lady and she had a good life (as far as I know). She had been living in a nursing home for a few years but up until four weeks ago she was still having regular outings with my Mum, very much enjoying going to the hairdresser or out to lunch, and also was visited often by my Mum and Step dad, who both cared for her deeply. Nanna became ill quite suddenly when Mum was way for a week, as often happened over the last few years, maybe it was loneliness, and so we all made the trip to see her and say what we thought was goodbye.
Surprising us all, everyones presence seemed to uplift Nanna, and for the week we were there she was bright, alert and full of joy at having everyone around her. The final day we visited she had even been out of bed, but I knew in my heart that it would be the last time I would see her. As I said goodbye I felt it was too casual. I wondered if she thought that too. Whether she too knew that it would be goodbye for the last time, and how hard it is to walk away from someone knowing that, but also knowing that life has to go on.
It gave me great pleasure in that time to see her happiness watching Sebastian play and be his cheeky little self. I can still picture her watching his every move with wonder. Not only did he brighten Nanna's day in that difficult time, he also brought smiles to the faces of every other elderly person in that home he saw, and if nothing else had happened during that week it would have been worth the trip home just to see that.
I recently joined a group of lovely, intelligent and professional women for a chat about blogging. We asked ourselves why we blog, what is the message we are trying to get across to our readers. For me, It started as a way to share pictures with you and talk about the work I have been doing. What it has turned into is more of a therapy for me. Looking back over things, my struggle with anxiety and other issues since Sebastians birth, and my need to constantly remind myself to live in the moment and try to be present at all times, has played out in my blog.
What I had planned on writing about previous to finding out about Nanna's illness was family. In that week I had just done a family photo shoot,in which one of the family members was quite ill. On the other hand, I had the great honour of capturing a maternity shoot with my beautiful friend. She was so full of joy after waiting many years for her first baby to enter her life and I don't remember being so happy for someone in a long time. They welcomed their beautiful little boy just four days later.
On top of that I began working with a fantastic family on a commercial video project. All this family time was really making me feel the love!
All this time spent with families, including the last week with mine, and now Nanna's passing, reinforces in me the desire to continue on this path to a conscious and connected life. At times I feel that I'm walking backwards but the desire is still strong! So this time I am going to set myself some goals. The first one being, to call my brothers every week. So guys if you're reading this, prepare yourself! What makes me saddest about Nanna, and in fact about our whole family tree, is the fact that we don't really know each other. Yes we like each other and get along, but we don't really know each other. I want to know all about you. What you wanted to be when you were growing up, how old you were when you had your first kiss, who is your favourite band? I don't even know my brothers favourite bands?!?
And this goes for you too. If you have taken the time to read this, I thank you, and I want to know you too. Next time we talk, tell me something that I don't know about you, that makes you who you are, and I will try to do the same.
Nanna, although I wish I'd known more about you, I do know that you loved us very much, and we love you too.
Patricia Crowe 14/7/1923 - 29/7/2015